Feeling Sad :(

by kiki 08.09 0 komentar

Have you ever felt sad with no reason?

Like you feel so small and so powerless with the world. You feel like there’s something really wrong with your life, but couldn’t point it out. Or maybe...Wouldn’t.

I constantly feel so sad. I lost the passion for the things I used to love. Like everything has lost its meaning. I always feel torn apart when I’m alone, the sadness just here wrapped me and stab me in the night. But when I’m with other people I act cheerful like usual.

It’s easy to forget this weird feeling when I’m with other people. I don’t know whether my cheerfulness is just a fake mask or I am truly enjoying their companion. But sometimes when I’m around people I felt like want to scream and runaway, hiding with myself alone. At the same time, I’m so scared of being alone.

I like being with my friends. But I want them to listen things that I save inside. My silent scream. I want them to hear that. My parents thought that I’m okay, my friends too. But actually I’m not. I always have this costant feeling like evrything I do in this life is a total mistake. That all my achievement is just a fake medalion, that I’m just lucky. That I’m a talentless people.

Like now I’m feeling so useless. But I’m so tired to even lift my head from pillow.

I feel so tired of everything. I want to take a break from everything but its impossible. I have a responsibility and I think I have messed some, total  mess some. It’s getting worse recently, and I can’t stop blaming myself for everything.

Maybe I have a clue, or I already know why I’m feeling so sad.

I feel I live in a world that not belongs to me.

I feel there’s somewhere that I belong to. Somewhere that I truly belong to.

But admit it means I had to totally destroy everything I built here and start from zero again.

How if that feeling is just an impulse. How can I sure the new world that I dream of really exist? Will it be as disappointing as the life I had now?

No, my life is not disappointing. It’s quite nice, I make a good achievement. I met lots of good people. But still, I feel like this is not things that I want.

But I cannot sure.

I’m so scared.

I feel so alone.